Anyway, after warming up with a little bit of pee drinking (actually, it was a lot of pee drinking), PRINCESS announces that it’s time for me to suck my first cock. After a little while looking for a suitably dirty sex place, we settled on one and out i went. i have never been more nervous about anything in my life and when i got there, it only got worse. Unspeakably sordid… full of video walls of gay porn, guys checking each other out and small dark hide aways with guys having sex in groups of 3 or 4 and yet more guys standing around watching and masturbating. Not only was it so incredibly sordid that i felt dirty just being there, but there were loads of people behaving in ways that i just didn’t understand, as if there was a whole set of social rules that i didn’t know and couldn’t learn. Unfortunately in situations like that i sometimes get severe social anxiety disorder and when that happens, i go into a sort of panic.  Well…that happened. i got increasingly panicky until all i could think about was going home, scrubbing myself from head to toe with antiseptic and curling up into the foetal position to cry.

When GODDESS eventually let me go home, i was a mess. Totally panic stricken and barely capable of thinking straight. While walking home, i started feeling all sorry for myself for how horrible the evening had been… how i’d cracked under pressure and failed to give GODDESS the result SHE had asked for and that SHE deserved. i was terrified that i wasn’t good enough to serve HER.

While walking PRINCESS started telling me how much she’d enjoyed laughing at my suffering, and how it had been a fun night for HER. That made me feel a tiny bit better, but i was still furious at myself… i felt like i was being pushed too far and i just couldn’t take it any more. i was too weak to handle this and as a result i couldn’t help thinking that it would keep happening. i would keep letting GODDESS down and rather than making HER happy that would only make HER angry. Rather than being a persistent source of joy in HER life, i would be a persistent source of anger.

When i got back, i was still furious with myself for failing my PRINCESS, but i took one look at HER picture and it all came flooding back. i remembered how horrible it felt to “quit” and then find myself unable to stop thinking about PRINCESS while masturbating only a few days later. i remembered how weak i had felt when my only goal was to “give up” PRINCESS SIERRA, all the while knowing in the back of my mind that it was never going to happen.

At the same time, i remembered how nice it felt to just let go… how incredible it was to know that i’ve helped contribute to the perfect life of a lesbian DEITY. i remembered how strong i felt being able to fully commit to a single cause and to actually follow through with that stated cause no matter how unpleasant the cost. Most of all, i remembered how happy PRINCESS SIERRA’s incredibly beautiful smile makes me, especially when i’m the one who put it there.

Once all that came flooding back, i felt so guilty for letting GODDESS down, that i suddenly became determined to go back and do it right this time. i walked back… went straight to one of the darkest seediest rooms, and looked around trying to find a cock to suck. It didn’t take long for someone to start fondling my crotch and the rest is history.

The crazy thing was that i actually loved every minute of it… not because i’m secretly gay (i’m not) but because there i was, overcoming something that had bested me only an hour earlier, doing something i would never have done in a thousand years, and i was doing it all in the name of my GODDESS… i kept thinking how proud SHE would be and how this was such a momentous occassion in my servitude to PRINCESS.

The best thing is that now i have one more way to serve GODDESS… one more way to make HER smile… and i’m one step more deeply wrapped up in the glorious web of the DIVINE PRINCESS SIERRA
UPDATE: i wrote this last night immediately after getting home from my cock-sucking adventures. Now it’s the morning after and i still can’t stop thinking about it. What’s funny is that it’s not the cock that turns me on…  as with humiliation, it’s the opposite. PRINCESS really pushed me last night.  SHE took me so far outside my “limits” that my limits weren’t even a dot on the horizon any more… being pushed that far for HER felt incredible, and seeing how proud SHE was afterwards was even better!  Now i can’t wait for HER to push me even further. Somehow i don’t think i’ll have to wait very long…